Emotional Manifesto

I have been asked by several people to blog more about the emotional side of preparing to move to Haiti.  This is really something I have been thinking about, but I just don't want to do.  Okay.  That sounds aloof.  The fact is, it is hard to write about the emotional side to this whole thing.  It looks different for me, than it does for Gary, or for each of the three Crazies.  It looks different for each person from day to day.  Sometimes hour to hour.  There are highs.  There are lows.  I'm quite afraid that we haven't even hit a low as low as what we have to look forward to.  And on the flip side, higher highs are yet to come as well too, I know.  After the children have gone to bed, and I'm exhausted, the last thing I want to do is dig down deep into my psyche and analyze my feelings.  I'd rather stuff them, because that's what I do.  Avoidance and procrastination are my bff's.

I have great faith in our decision, and our God.  I also have doubts.  My doubts don't change our decision.  Gary's doubts don't change our decision.  But they come in and out, and they like to overturn tables and generally make our days pretty messy.  Sometimes I feel like I can't share my doubts, or others might doubt too, or might doubt my faith in God.

The days are filled with the usual stuff.  Caring for children, feeding children, cleaning up after children, breaking up arguments between children, snuggling children.  But added to our recent days are the discomforts of a temporary home.  One that is as comfortable as it can possibly be, and yet still does not feel like home.  We are living out of boxes, quite literally. We are shuffling laundry back and forth from my parents' washer and dryer back to our house on a daily basis.  We are running errands and fundraising for our time in Haiti.  We are trying to maintain and make new connections in Haiti.  We are trying to grow spiritually.  We are trying to maintain our marriage and family life.  We are trying to nurture friendships, near and far.  We are trying to be good extended family members to our parents and siblings.  We are failing.

It feels like we are being stretched and pressed and tested.  There are times where it feels like physical discomfort, like the air becomes less oxygen rich, or sounds are muffled. Satan uses our insecurities against us.  We have to fight daily not to believe those lies.  We feel scared.  We feel like we just don't know what the heck we're doing.

There is also joy.  Lots of joy.  And excitement.  Why did God choose us for this?  I don't know why, but I'm honored.  I want nothing more than for God to become known, like really really known, to people through this journey.  I pray for lives to be changed because of what God is going to do, what he is doing now.  We are not walking into this thinking we are going to change Haiti.  We know that God can change Haiti, when and how ever He wants to.  We pray for lives in Haiti to change, for people to come close to God and know His love, and be set apart, and to spend eternity in a place too perfect for us to even comprehend right now.  We also pray for lives of those who are watching this story unfold, either by passive witness or active participant.  We have friends and family who do not know God and pray that this journey will somehow be a part of bringing them back to Jesus.  I also know my human-ness gets in the way of this all the time.  I screw up.  I don't represent the true nature of Jesus.  I hurt people.  Lord God please use me anyway!  Help me love people more, better, all the time.

Meet the Krulls: Presley

Presley Kate

born October 22, 2010

Middle named after Great Grandma Kate

Likes:  talking, snuggling, eating, wearing hats, making people laugh, dogs, laughing

Dislikes:  having her face wiped, losing her binky

Favorite foods:  eggs, bananas, berries, fish crackers

"Krull Most Likely To"... get anything she wants

Heard Around the House {May 2012}

This convo went down in the car on our way to church...

Mylie:  Mom, are you 64?
Mom:  No... thanks.
Mylie:  When will I be 14?
Mom:  In 9 years.  When you're 9, I'll be 43.
Mylie:  And then I can have a baby?
Mom:  I hope not.  No.  Not until you're a married grown-up.
Mylie:  But I can get Starbucks,  so that's good.



Presley:  Poo Poo {pointing}
Me:  {Following her gaze in expectation of horror... only to see she's refering to Winnie the Pooh}

So this is happening...

Noah: Mom, there's this girl Autumn at school.  She is really really really so so so pretty.  She's going to Junior High next year.

A Must Read

This has been weighing heavily on my heart these past few months, especially in light of our future working with the Good Neighbor Orphanage in Bon Repos, Haiti.

Please read this post by Tara Livesay, it is so well written, and packed with truths.

Hqppy Things

Happy Thing #1

Hummingbird nest with two babies at Grammy and Pappy's house

Mylie named them "Michaela" and "Uncle Michael".  "Michaela" flew the nest two days ago, while "Uncle Michael" seems content mooching off of mom for a little longer.  Seems to be a pretty accurate parallel to real life.  To be fair, even though the man Uncle Michael, not the bird, lived with his parents until practically his thirties, he did turn out to be a doctor, so at least there's that.

 Happy Thing #2

This Girl's Cheese Face

Oh my goodness, she is such a ham.  Between her now infamous "Mick Jagger Lips", to her rendition of The Beib's "Baby", to this cheesy face,  I just can't stop smiling at her funny personality.  Thank you God for a happy girl!

Happy Thing #3

Unending supply of moving box entertainment  

Is it wrong to let the girls sit in the box for like, let's say, an hour?  Because they do, and it feels heavenly

Happy Thing #4

This girl lost her first tooth!  

That little sucker has been loose all week, but what finally tipped the scales to get it out was a monumental temper tantrum while in time out.  It is amazing to me how she can turn it off in an instant to shout, "Hey, my tooth came out!"  

Happy Thing #5

Sweet Hipster Baby

This gal was intermittently awake all night with a fever, but she's still a happy one.  She gets her Hipster ways from her sister.

A Plethora of Blogworthy Stuff

Well, the past month has been some of the most busy days of my entire existence... We kicked off the madness with our Haiti Meet and Greet luncheon at church.  The purpose was to share our vision, and our church’s vision, for our purpose in moving to Haiti.  We were so pleased to see so many people from my childhood church who came to support us.  A few days later, we found out that after 8 months, our house finally sold!  While we celebrated this fact, we also were more than a little overwhelmed with the fact that we would be out of the country for eight days, then we had five days to move out.  Did I mention the fact that we had NO IDEA where we were going to move TO?  No?  Well, we it’s true.  We started calling everywhere we could think of to try to get a 10 week lease.  Turns out that is really really hard to do.

I’m getting ahead of myself. 

So, the house sold.  Yay!  We decided to worry about the house stuff upon our return, and we left for Haiti on April 27th.  I’m so glad for the trip, but it was really hard for me emotionally.  We traveled with about 20 people from The Grove, but split our time once there between group stuff, trying to find a house to rent, and navigating life in Haiti without the comfort of a team leader.  It was as difficult as you can imagine it to be.  

We did have a truly Haitian experience our first time out by ourselves.  We hired a driver to take us about 12 miles from the guest house we stayed at in Tabarre, to Titayin, where we were to meet up with another missionary couple and look at a house for rent.  As we were leaving the neighborhood, we turned the corner only to discover that some men were cleaning out the car catchers and the road was blocked with rubble and debris.  We, plus the three cars behind us maneuvered some diligent 18-point turns to go back in the direction we came from and try a different route.  We found another street, in which some entrepreneurial young men decided that this was the perfect opportunity to earn a little more that day, and charge cars a toll to pass.  We waited in line for each of the ten cars in front of us to argue with the self-proclaimed toll collectors, when it was finally our driver’s turn.  I have to say that Jean was nothing if not calm.   I don’t speak Creole, but I was still impressed by his assertive, yet calm, "no way".  A short 45 minutes later, and we were finally on National One headed out of Port-au-Prince towards our destination.  The rest of our day went surprisingly smooth.  

The rest of our week was split between the Good Neighbor Orphanage, and begging rides and meeting with a vast array of Haitians and Expats.  It was a good, productive, and emotionally draining week.  I really missed my kids.  

On the way home, we had a layover in Atlanta.  We were commiserating about the fact that we had roughly five days to sell the rest of our belongings, pack up a house, and move somewhere, yet we didn't have a place to rent yet.  As it turns out, a family from our church (He was on the trip, She is in my Bible study), has a place for rent, and they would rent to us for only 10 weeks!  Yay! 

We got home around midnight on May 6th, got up a few hours later and went to church.  We spent Monday and Tuesday getting rid of most of our stuff, packing on Wednesday and Thursday, then finally moving out on Friday.  Sounds pretty smooth, no?  It. Was. Not.  

We've lived in our (former) home for over nine years, and I have never had to pack a house while entertaining a toddler.  It was tortuous.  I'm glad she's still alive, because there were a few dicey moments when I thought to myself, "I'll just let her play with those chemicals and choking hazards for a few minutes so she won't scream or pull things out of this box I'm trying to pack right here."  

Also, the husband who never gets sick, got sick.  Like for realz.  Gary went in for a blood test to check for malaria on Thursday.  We're still waiting for the results, because apparently a test and access to malaria meds is the one thing Haitian health care has up on the U.S.  His doctor actually asked GARY how to test for malaria.  I'm all... "Dude, you best be going in the hall to google that, let's instill a little confidence in your skills, shall we?"

Noah and I went to his Kindergarten alma mater, and the school I taught at for the last three years of my teaching career, to speak in chapel on Friday.  Yes, the same Friday that was Moving Day.  I was nervous.  I cried.  I hope God was heard.

Grammy and Pappy were on Crazies duty, all day, and we had some wonderful friends show up and help us move and clean on Friday.  With their help, we got everything moved and into the new place with 15 minutes to spare until our deadline.  In the last 15 minutes we were in our house, it finally hit me as I peeked in the kids' rooms one last time.  So many wonderful memories... newlywed bliss, home projects gone awry, babies coming home, middle of the night feeding and cuddling, Christmas trees.  I fought the ugly cry and lost.  This has been a really great season of life.  And while I'm equal parts scared and excited for the next one, it is sad to leave this part behind.

Yesterday included laying around like a lard on the crib mattress turned couch, eating more than my share of ice cream, and sifting through carelessly packed boxes.  Sunday is always my favorite day of the week, so I took the kids to church by myself.  Gary's feeling a little better today, so here's hoping he's on the mend and that it isn't actually malaria.  

Here's to a brand new week, one that does not include moving!

Heard Around the House {April 2012}

Noah:  I'm voting for Obama.

Gary:  Well, you're too young to vote.

Noah:  Well I would vote for him if I was old enough to vote.

Gary:  Okay

Noah:  And if I couldn't vote for Obama, I'd vote for Oprah.