I was so sick with fear. I could not sleep, I could not eat, I burst into tears in the middle of the Miami airport Chilli's (just to name one of the many places I burst into tears).
We made it to Haiti and battled our way through customs and baggage claim, and fortunately, all of our luggage made it out with us. Our kids were champs. We were picked up by Ryan and Josh who work with Heartline in Haiti, and they took us to the guesthouse where we are still sleeping as of tonight. That night I was in a daze. I was pretty useless to poor Gary. The next morning we went to our new church home, Port-au-Prince Fellowship, and I just cried through each worship song. I missed my friends and family and church family. The thought of being away for so long was too much to bear.
I felt like I was in a really dark place. I felt trapped and lonely. The emotions were so overwhelming, I felt so weak and broken. There was nothing left for me to do but pray. I prayed for the strength to make it through one more hour, one more afternoon, one more night. I prayed almost constantly, in between caring for our three. I could not eat, yet I was hungry.
Gary and I prayed together a lot. I prayed alone a lot. Friends and family from all over lifted us up in prayer a lot. Emails and facebook messages of prayers and encouragement poured in.
Two days ago, while sitting at the table in the common room at the guesthouse, I was fighting tears and praying through the moment. An overwhelming peace just washed over me. It was not gradual, but all of the sudden. God graciously lifted me out of that place of discouragement. I felt better, normal, full of hope. I knew God was with me, here. With us.
Honestly, I knew I was growing, being stretched, being molded. I thought I would be in that place for longer, but am so glad I'm not!!!
It is very scary stepping out into a really uncomfortable place, whatever that place might be, that God has called you to be in. I'm learning that I cannot let fear and discomfort hinder me from obeying God. Asking God to meet ALL of my needs is not a sign of weakness, but of surrender. The prayers from many were real to me. I am a real person in need of a Savior. I do not take lightly when someone says they have prayed for me. If you were one who joined in prayer for me, and my family, please know that your prayers were heard, they were important, they were needed. I am thankful for you. Please continue to remember us when you pray, this is only the beginning!
We're going into this next week hopeful that we will be able to move into our house, hopeful that we will find a car, hopeful we will have the money to purchase a generator so that we will have power to our home when the city power goes out (at least several times a day, if not more).
Tomorrow I hope to blog about our first date night in Haiti! It was amazing!