My Coping Mechanism

When I was in first grade, taking the Iowa Basic Skills Test (the annual standardized testing), and bored into near delirium,  I invented my coping mechanism... coping with what you ask?  Boredom.  Embarrassment.  Joy.  Life.  It was in Mrs. Haladik's first grade classroom at Rover Elementary School that I became a star.  Star of my own little on-going movie.  Sort of like the first reality television show ever... circa 1985.

In my delusional alterna-world, I am the lead character in this movie, complete with laugh track.  Seriously, try it.  It makes the most difficult or mundane moments bearable, because man, that is great tv.

Take the Great Rollerblade Fail of 2001, for instance.  I lay there on the side of the road, bloody, but more embarrassed than anything.  As I looked up at those hundreds of stares coming from rush hour traffic, at a dead stop a mere 10 feet from me,  I just remembered, wow, I bet that was quite the sight... me flailing my arms and legs, trying to save myself from falling, but alas, eating curb.  I'm quite sure it made their drive home that day quite enjoyable (speaking as one who truly appreciates witnessing a good fall).  I bet they even re-told the tale of my spectacular display to their friends and family that evening.  I'm telling you, good tv.

Other highly rated episodes of Me Tv:

The One When I Knocked Over the Display of Life Size Christmas Soldiers at Target, 1996

The One When My Itty Bitty Underwear That Was Stuck Inside My Pants Leg from the Dryer Fell Out in Front of the School Assembly, in which I was a Teacher, 2008

The One(s) When My Teacher Dad Cut the Cheese in Front of My High School Classmates, and Me, 1992, 1993, 1994, 1995

Labor and Delivery, 2004, 2007, 2010

The Wedding, 2001



So... am I nuts?  Probably.  But this really does make life just a little bit more fun.  Do it.